


My Flesh, My Blood, My Pain in the Ass

by Chikaniwa



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Siblings, Comedy, Gen, How Do I Tag, Light-Hearted, minor incest? last chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-22 21:57:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10705944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chikaniwa/pseuds/Chikaniwa
Summary: If being siblings wasn't a pain enough, then trying being twins.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Greedling week 2017 on tumblr! I don’t think most of these fit the themes, some of them do. However,I still wanted to write something. This is for the seventh day!
> 
> Sibling Greedling AU! Little stories of different plot in each chapters. 
> 
> The last chapter is the only reason why it’s rated M and I am terribly sorry for any grammar mistakes I made.

After a long day, he looks forward to nothing, but to relax at home and take a long shower. Then sit lazily on the couch and not do homework; while watching late night tv shows and munching on a few snacks. So, needless to say that the apartment should be clean and in pristine condition. 

So why… why does he come home to this mess?!

“Oh! Hey Ling! Everything is under control, no worries!” 

So his twin brother reassures him with a huge shit eating grin along with huge ass flames roaring at the stove. The sink and counters splashed with all sorts of color like it was an artist canvas. Pots and pans littered all around the place like a tornado passed through. He can’t imagine the state of the rest of the house if this was what the kitchen looked like. 

“It’s not. What it looks.” 

So what it suppose to look like?! Not a complete nightmare because that is all he’s seeing. His usually slit eyes went wide with a mixture of fury and shock. “GREED!” 

“Yes, the one and only! That’s me!” Greed cackles in a cheerful tone as he dumps water over the fire, but it does little to tame the heat.

Ling’s bag slips from his shoulder as he gawk in horror at his twin’s reaction.

“No need to yell! I’ve got it under control, see with this!” Greed raises the emergency fire extinguisher he had in his hand. Why they had a fire extinguisher was for this sole purpose. A friend of theirs gifted it to them.

“Then use it!” Ling snaps with horror and all his brother does is laugh, never mind the fire. 

Greed pauses and mumbles to himself. “How do I…”

“Jesus, give me that!” Ling rushes over to his twin and grabs a hold of the fire extinguisher. However as he did Greed shot a massive of foam all over the place. The pressure knocks both brothers onto the floor, Ling slips back and lands against Greed’s chest. Meanwhile, Greed gets hit with the bulk of the force and his brother’s weight.

Needless to say that Greed figured out how to use the fire extinguisher and effectively cleared the fire. The only minor outcome was… he in the process created a whole new level of mess.

Ling groans and after everything, his brother huffs. “Anytime you want to get off of me, piss ant?” He really want to punch Greed, so he turns to face him, but he ends up bursting into a fit of laughter. He laughs, hard and that irritates Greed. 

“What’s so funny?!”

“Y--y-o-haha-u look f-funny!” Ling manages to gasp a he’s clenching his chest. He forgets at how angry he’s suppose to be with his brother. 

Greed snatches a pot of the floor lying on the floor and stares at his reflection. There was foam on his hair and it strangely, made it appear he had a pompadour. Damn, he did look fucking ridiculous. “Stop laughing!” 

“S-mm-orry!” Ling snickers, but his command only makes it worse.

Greed couldn’t help, but let a small smile stretch across his face when an idea forms in his head. He grabs a fistful of the foam and shoves it onto his brother’s face. 

A nice beard forms on Ling’s face.

“Nice mustache.” Greed smirked, revealing a set of sharp teeths.

The two begin to throw a flurry of foam at each other and eventually, they ran out. Though, that doesn’t the stop the two childish antics and they begin to wrestle on the floor.

It ends with Greed pinning his brother to the ground… painfully until Ling cries aunty. 

“It’s uncle, you idiot.”

“Oh, well you know what I mean.” Ling smiles as the tension eases from him and he sits up with his back against the kitchen cabinet. He surveys the mess and himself, then the time. Leave it to his idiot twin to pull him into stupid shenanigans for the next three hours. Well, not as bad as the police car chase that one time. “Don’t tell me, you tried to cook?” 

“Obviously, I did. Don’t you see the cooking shit all over.”

“You… can’t cook.” He had called his brother to get takeout because he’d be home too late to cook dinner.

Greed fumes like a cat and hisses. “I can cook and when I do, that shit is going to be delicious.” He gets up from the floor and grabs the pan with the “food” inside. “Here.” He practically shoves it into his brother’s hands.

The metal is cool from the foam and whatever was inside of the pan, it was all white now.

“Uhmm, what is it?” Ling was afraid of the answer to this one and didn’t want to guess.

“Food. Can’t you tell?” Greed scoffs.

Ling winces... that was the answer he was afraid. He loves food, he can’t go an hour without stuffing his face. So he knew what food looks like, smells like, tastes like, and feels like. However… this… this abomination in the frying pan is not food. “This is not food, this is a sin against god.” 

As soon as the word left his mouth, a towel hits his face. 

“Hey! Greed, where are you going?!” Ling sputters in bewilderment, almost tripping when his brother gets up and grabs a coat.

“Leaving.”

“Leaving?!”

“Leaving. “Greed repeats in a nonchalant tone. “Cause someone is an ungrateful, piss ant.”

“What about this mess?!”

Greed bows mockingly. “A gift from yours truly to you, be grateful.” 

The door slams shut before Ling could protest or even stop his brother. Great. So there goes the rest of his night and he tries his best to clean up the aftermath of the war caused by his brother. “Damn it, Greed.” He scrubs and scrubs, wondering every time, what did Greed do in the kitchen?! How can someone mess up this badly at cooking? 

He finishes cleaning the stove, counters, fridge, and cabinets. However, it was already three in the morning and he still hasn’t wash the pile of dishes in the sink. The word sleepy doesn’t begin to describe how exhausted he was. To the point where he couldn’t care at how loud the screams were coming from his stomach. “I’ll just take a five minute break…” He mumbles against the wooden table and sinks into a dream world. 

So is it a surprise he dreams of food? 

….  
….  
….

It was amazing… until he wakes up to the harsh reality. He’s now well rested and so he’s able to pay attention to his body. No way could he now ignore how painful his stomach cries were. 

“Jesus, do you have souls of innocent people or something inside your stomach? It’s been shrieking in agony nonstop.” 

“Greed!” Ling cries with joy and especially when he notices a bag of takeout in his brother’s hand.

“Yea, yea. Here.” Greed grumbles, using the food to distract his brother from giving him a hug.

Ling eagerly digs in from congee to noodles to rice to buns to dumplings. He loves how Greed knows exactly what to get him to eat; even if his brother can’t cook.

Greed watches him and rolls his eyes. “Hey, slow down. You’re going to make a mess on the bed.” 

Ling pouts as he’s being treated like a child when Greed wipes his mouth with a napkin. “If I do make a mess, I’m the one who’s going to clean it in the end.”

“Damn straight.” 

Ling pauses for a moment from acting like a vacuum cleaner and frowns. Mess… mess. He didn’t clean all the stuff in the sink?! And how did he end up in bed?

“Relax, I took care of it all.” Greed grabs a container and fork from the bag.

Creepy, but… they were twins after all. “Thanks Greed.” 

“Course, I take care of what’s important to me.”


	2. Chapter 2

Today was a wonderful day in his opinion, it was sunny and not sweltering hot. They ate at his favorite restaurant and he got to watch Ed fumble with a chopstick. Ah, lunch and show. 

He was with his best friend, Edward and hanging out at the mall. They haven’t seen each other since mid-semester when the gates of hell were unleashed. Piles of essays to write, papers to turn in, books to read, and running on nothing, but four hours of sleep and coffee. 

Man, college was fun! 

They both finally found a time to relax and talk to each other. Things were going great and normal. 

He spoke too soon...

“You!” A busty blonde woman in a tight red dress and high heels storms over to him. 

Ling looks left, right, front, behind, and at Edward, but his friend is equally confused as he is. He points to himself. “Me?”

“Yes, you!” The woman snaps, very angrily. “You said you’d call me, but you never did!”

“I did?” Ling’s eyebrows furrow.

Edward leans towards Ling and whispers. “Who is she?” 

“No idea.” Ling whispers back.

“I can’t believe you! Is this what you do? Play with a woman’s heart and then forget about her?!” 

Ling had no idea who she was and why she was furious at him. He’s never seen her in his life. What is she even yelling on about? He’s never talked to her or done anything to her!

Of course, Edward, being the most supportive person in his life whistles impress.

“Wow, I never knew you were this kind of person. I wonder what would Lan fan say?” Edward grins evilly. This was going to be entertaining for him because this was at Ling’s expense. 

Truly, a white devil, he could see horns sprouting from the boy’s head. Is this revenge for the chopsticks from earlier? “Don’t you dare-!” Ling is interrupted when the woman leans close to him, so close he can feel her chest.

“Who is Lan fan?!” 

Ling silently screams in his mind. “Uhh, no, no, she’s a friend of mine and-!”

“Oh, a friend?” The blonde woman huffs.

Before Ling could remedy the situation, another woman cuts in and hugs his other free arm. He turns to discover another ample woman squeezing his arm. His eyes had never opened as wide as it did in this moment.

“Greed, I haven’t seen you since yesterday! I missed you, you know!” She giggles, her emerald eyes fluttering flirtatiously.

Greed. Of course. It all finally made sense.

They were mistaking him for his twin! Why did he have to be related to a brother with a horrible and flirtatious personality?! Why couldn’t his brother be like him? He could just hear the arrogant laughter of his brother’s at him: “You can’t have fun if you’re too good!” 

This was all his fault and when he sees his brother, he’s going to kill him.

The blonde woman shrieks indignantly and pulls his arm harshly. “Greed! Who is this?!” 

This reminds him of one the soap opera series he’s watched. The stereotypical playboy that finally gets caught by all his “girlfriends.” Oh no, he does not want to be in this situation. Especially, when he knows all the scenarios that can play out in this situation. “Wait a minute! You have the wrong person!”

Both women look at each other and back to Ling, simultaneously they answered. “No, I don’t.”

Ling tries once more to reason with them. “You have the wrong person because I have a twin! You are mistaking me for my twin!” 

“Greed, stop joking and tell me you love me!” 

“Greed, leave this old hag and play with me instead!” 

“Old hag?! You, bitch!” 

What was he expecting to be honest? They didn’t believe him and thought he was creating a typically womanizer excuse. The two girls began to screech and argue with Ling in the middle, sobbing like a poor sap. 

“Ed! Stop laughing and help me!” Ling pleads, pathetically.

Meanwhile, Edward’s on the floor laughing like a madman on the mall floor with his arms clutching his stomach. He didn’t care about the bystanders flashing them weird or disapproving expressions. If anyone needs saving it was probably Edward, who really wanted to stop laughing, but for the life of him just couldn’t.

“EDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!” 

XXXXXXX

Greed yawns tiredly as he just finished marathoning shows on Netflix and eagerly texts his friends about it.

He hears the door opening and absentmindedly greets his twin from the couch. “Yo, welcome back.” 

“Hey, Greed.”

Greed doesn’t look up, but continues to text his friend. “What?”

“Greed.” 

Greed’s fed up and finally looks up because his idiot brother probably wants to show him something. “What?” 

A fist greets his face and he falls to the couch, while clutching a bloody nose. “What was that for?!” He snarls at his brother and that’s when notices the two glaring red hand marks on his cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

Greed likes holidays that involve getting things, what things? Everything! It’s vague, but as long as he gets something, then he likes it.

However, if he had to choose a favorite holiday… then it would be birthdays.

It was such a me, me, me day! All about me. The shower of attention and presents on me.

The celebration of an individual’s birth in the midst of a busy and stimulating word. That one individual was exalted above others. It was only for a day, but what a selfish one day. 

Birthday’s were the perfect excuse to want and to demand. 

“He’s coming with Lan fan!”

“Quick, lights off!”

“Ow! Someone stepped on my foot!”

“Not my fault you’re so damn small.”

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL?!”

Loud crashes and noises ensue in the darkness. Pleads rang out in vain.

“Shhh, please not now brother!” 

Ling turns the lights on to his and his twin brother’s apartment. He knows they planned a surprise party, but of course, he was going to act the part. After all, that was the point of a surprise party. So following that logic, he expects them to scream, “SURPRISE.”

However….

Why was Edward and Greed on the floor fighting each other? Along with everyone else’s attention on attempting to stop the two. He turns to see Lan fan burning with a fury so great that he needs to step back before he got caught in the crossfire.

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!” 

Ling almost forgot today is suppose to be his happy birthday and not a halloween blood bath.

“I’m sorry they ruined your party!” Lan fan frets.

Greed and Edward open their mouths to protest, but one glare from the girl silences them both.

Ling chuckles and shakes his head in amusement. “It’s all right Lan fan, they haven’t. So let’s get started!”

So begins his actual birthday party with Greed and Edward cleaning up the mess they made. Broken lamps, tables, fallen books, trinkets, and the whole nine yards. Plus, fixing the broken happy birthday banner. He expects a mess, but not because of a fight! 

Honestly speaking, his favorite part of these celebration is the food. He feels like a kid again to see that giant cake.

He blows out the candle and Greed asks. “So what did you wish for?”

“If I say it, then it won’t come true.” He cuts the cake with the help of Winry and Lanfan, they distribute the cake.

Greed munches on the cake and points to Ling. “Wishing for want you want won’t make it come true. You have to say it.”

Fu rubs his mustache and chuckles nostalgically. “I have watched Ling grown up since he was a child. Knowing him, he still makes the same wish of being emperor of the world.”

Ling chokes on his cake. He flushes beet red and whines like a child when a parent reveals something embarrassing. “FU!” 

Greed and Edward wore the smuggest expression on their faces; clearly laughing at him.

“Aren’t you a greedy bastard?” Greed cackles.

“You’re one to talk.” Ling mumbles. “For your data-”

“Information.” Greed and Edward corrects automatically.

“Information… I’ll rule something if not the world.”

“Better than Edward’s, all he ever wishes is to grow tall.” Winry teases, earning her an earful from the boy who’s no longer laughing.

Everyone gathers again to initiate the next birthday ritual: presents. The present giving went as Ling thought it would. Edward give him the strangest gift with skulls or something macabre. Then, they spent a good moment or two yelling at him for the horrible gift. He still accepts it. He doesn’t throw gifts away, which in hindsight clutters his room. However, Greed hasn’t once complain about his habit.

Edward frowns as if he just realizes something. “If you and Greed are twins, then why aren’t we celebrating both of your birthdays today?”

“Simple, I don’t share my special day with no one.” Greed explains in such a childish manner that normally people would take as a joke. If Greed wasn’t.... Greed.

“So when is your birthday?”

“Whenever I want it to be!” Greed announces enthusiastically and he throws a small box at Ling without warning.

Ling fumbles to catch the box and thankfully he does or it’d cover in frosting. He shakes the small, black box. “What is it?”

“Maybe if you opened it, you’d know.”

Ling does just that and inside was a simple black band. 

“A ring?” Lan fan questions.

“Nice, huh?” Greed smirks. “Asked a gal of mine what I should get to remind him he’s mine.”

“Sounds like you’re planning to marry him or something.” Edward teases and that earns him a smack to the head with a wrench.

God knows why Winry carries a wrench in her purse, protection? Some girls have pepper spray and whistles, but no, she has a wrench. She mutters disapprovingly as Alphonse pushes back his brother’s soul back into his body. “Ed, please. I think it’s nice.”

Ling thinks thoughtfully for a moment before beaming and slipping the ring onto his left ring finger. “I don’t mind.”

Those words left the entire room speechless, even Edward who usually has something to say. With that said, everyone’s gaze directs at the blonde to make the first move.

“Why are you all looking at me for?!” Edward cries.

Greed covered half his face with hand and mumbles. “People will think we’re…and we’re...not.”

It was obvious to tell Greed’s embarrassed. A feeling that the boy was not accustomed to feeling, but rather causing others to feel. 

“Greed…” Ling begins gently… until...

“Wow Greed, are you actually embarrassed?” Edward snickers in a mocking tone.

And just like that, Edward beat him to the fist- or was it hand, smack, kick? Some sort of action that involves a body part! Anyways, the moment is ruined. 

“Shut up, you damn pipsqueak!” Greed growls.

“PIPSQUEAK?! I”LL SHOW YOU!” 

Alphonse sighs and hooks his arms underneath his brother’s shoulders. “Yes, yes, come here.” He pulls his brother away as nicely as possible; all while those limb thrash about in the air. 

Lan fan coughs. “Well, if Ling has no problem with the gift then there’s nothing wrong.”

Ling nods in agreement and he places his arm around his brother’s neck, bringing him close for a hug. “We’ll always belong to each other forever.” He knows what to get for Greed’s birthday… that is... when he wheedles the date out of him. He settles his hand on top of his brother’s and flashes him a cheerful smile. 

The sound of a camera clicks and the light blinds Greed.

Meanwhile….

“Those two are so g- Al?!” Edward flinches dramatically when he finds his brother sparkling so bright he has to glance away. The most frightening of all. these sparkles reminds him of a man that he knew. 

“Brother! We should do something like that!” Alphonse marvels in awe.

“...” No doubt that Edward Elric is considered genius. He’s able to deduce things and piece information together faster than most people. It was in moments like these where his intelligence wasn’t worth jack shit.

“We should wear something represents our brotherly bond like Ling and Greed!” 

“But Al, we don’t need-” Edward cringes when he sees the pleading, wide puppy eye expression from his younger brother’s face. He swallows and steels his resolve. “But Al, our brotherly bond is strong enough! We don’t need some material to prove it!” 

Alphonse pouts and his shoulders sag. “You’re right... I just… I just thought it’d be nice…”

Edward hates seeing his brother so upset like this. He clutches his head and rocks back in forth in pain. Finally, he exhales sharpy and mutters begrudgingly. “We aren’t getting rings.”


	4. Chapter 4

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Greed cringes at the wailing and he attempts, but unsuccessfully, getting his sobbing twin off him. “Hey, can we-”

“WHY GREED!” 

Greed groans when he can’t even get a word in. All he wants to do is get up from the hard kitchen floor and onto the couch. They could talk it over or more like Ling could whine all he wants somewhere more comfortable. He curses the design of the apartment building they were living in. Why was the entrance so goddamn close to the kitchen? His brother spent half his waking moment in the kitchen. So he’d see him everytime he comes back home. 

Sure enough, as soon as he stepped in Ling tackles him to the ground with the most tearful expression ever. At least, could he get up and close the door? He has an image to uphold even if his brother doesn’t give two cents about it.

“How could you?!”

Goddamn, he doesn’t do crying people or comforting. He was particularly bad at it if was a woman or a child. However, he didn’t really care if it was a man since they can just toughen it up.

Then… there was that special exception in his gut that he hates to feel and recognize... his piss ant twin brother.

So he coughs, unsure what to do and awkwardly pats his brother on the back. “Um… it’s okay?” The first words that comes out of his mouth was the generic thing that everyone says.

“Does it look like I’m okay?! It’s not!” 

Greed feels like he just made it worse when he sees even more tears and snot on his brother’s face. Which is soiling his favorite coat.

As if on cue, one of their neighbor comes walking pass their apartment door and stares at them like some freak show. Honestly speaking, to an outsider they were in quite a precarious position and it wasn’t hard to tell that they were brothers. 

Brothers in a very questionable position.

“Hey, quit staring unless you’re thinking to join in.” Greed taunts, baring his teeth. If she wasn’t going to stare at him in awe or join, then this wasn’t a show! She wasn’t that old and that ugly, so he wouldn’t mind holding her instead of this guy right now. 

She jumps in alarm and hastily runs down the hall.

“Wait, was that Ms. Miller?” Ling asks him, the mood switching from him bawling to seriousness.

“Huh?”

“Ms. Miller, our neighbor who makes really good cornbread.” 

Figures, his brother would remember some faceless neighbor because of the food she made. “What the hell, were you pretending, you punk?” Greed grunted. 

“Sort of.” Ling flashes him a cheeky smile. “You’re no fun in acting out these dramas. Ed’s a lot better and more fun.”

Greed rolls his eyes. “I think for once I’ll let the kid take the glory on that one.” He doesn’t understand the appeal about acting out those stupid soap operas that his brother loves to watch with that kid. 

Ling’s hand run through his hair, but their isn’t much to touch and hands fell to his side. “I can’t believe you cut your hair.”

“It got too damn long and annoying.” Greed mumbles.

“But that was our thing! The ponytail!” Ling sulks. 

“It’s not a big deal, it’ll grow back.” Trust his brother to make a fuss out of nothing and look like a kicked puppy over it… don’t ask how he knows that. He rubs his brother’s hair into a mess, while ignoring the complaints. “If it makes you feel better, I won’t cut it this short next time.”

Ling stares at him thoughtfully and hand’s on his shoulder. “Greed… don’t forget to apologize to Ms. Miller.”

If this was a cartoon, then the record scratch would fit perfectly here. “Huh?”

“You don’t understand. I don’t know anyone else that can make cornbread as good as hers.”

Greed was done and throws his brother off of him onto the cold kitchen tile floor.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably, should have mentioned this earlier, but don't hesitate to to point any mistakes! Even if you feel you don't like my work, constructive criticism! First story I've written for FMA fandom. Thank you very much!

Greed lets out a long yawn as he walks down the street, He's heading towards his favorite joint to meet up with his crew and hang out. However, he stops when he feels a tap to his leg.

It was an old lady.

"Sorry miss, but you're too old for me."

"Ling!" The old lady smiles, flashing him a toothy grin and waves her cane. "How are you? I'm glad I bumped into you."

She didn't seem to hear him and if that didn't make matter worse, she thought he was his twin brother. "Look I'm not-" He didn't get to finish when she places into his hand some bags and he instinctively grabs onto them.

"Alright, let's go." She pats at his arms gently and starts shuffling towards a different direction than where he wants to go.

Greed stands there, flabbergasted. "Huh?"

Wait a minute?!

Damn it, this is why he hates old people! They never listen because they can't and force him to do things he didn't want to do. He thinks about making a break for it, after all it wasn't him that would get in trouble. Ling that would take the fall, but then he'd never hear the end of all the yelling and nagging.

He watches the lone and aging lady make her way slowly up the street.

It would be a new low for him to take the stuff and go.

He growls in annoyance and catches up with old lady, which wasn't hard. She was slow as fuck. At the rate she's going, it'll take a week to get… wait, where did she live?

He didn't even know her name… but not like she knew his and it wasn't goddamn Ling Yao.

"Hey. Where do you live?"

The old lady stops.

No. Greed laments. Don't stop. Walk and talk damn hag!

"What?!"

"Where do you live?" He repeats.

"What?!" The decrepit lady yells and tilts her ear closer to him.

Greed grits his teeth and barks. "WHERE DO YOU LIVE!" He notices a hearing aid and watches as she adjust the thing.

"What?!" She echoes back.

"WHERE. DO. YOU. LIVE?!"

The old lady flings her hand back and forth in the air. "No need to scream Ling, I can hear you just fine." She brings her purse up and digs into her purse.

Greed wants to pull his hair out when she brought out the purse. If he knew one thing, women can never find anything in that abyss they call a purse.

"Oh! Silly me, my wallet is in the bag in your hands."

Greed quickly finds the wallet and where she lives. He hands her the wallet to put her purse because it wasn't safe to keep in a grocery bag. Like he said, he wasn't going to do anything to her. He doesn't hurt women, old or young.

She resumes walking, "walking" and they reach an intersection with cars driving back and forth. Everyone knows that red means stop, green means go, yellow means speed up, the red hand means don't walk, and the white person means walk.

He stops at the red hand and suddenly, he notices the old hag wasn't next to him. Instead, she was right in the middle of the road with a green light and with incoming cars.

Greed does a double take and makes a break for the lady. How in the world did this fossil disappear from his side like that?! He agilely dodges the cars and leaping over the ones that halts with a deafening screech.

The drivers screams at him, curses him, hollers at him. Cars swerving left and right, off the road. A miracle that no one got hurt.

Greed does not give a fuck. The only fuck he can give is how that old lady isn't getting hit? She isn't the least bit concerned with cars and the street. Even he has to be careful on a busy road.

He finally reaches the other side of sidewalk where the granny was waiting.

She looks at him sweetly. "Oh Ling, there you are! What took you so long to cross the street?"

Greed has had it and he sputters in bewilderment. "W-w-wha-wha-WHAT?!" She was the crazyass that walked right into a street with cars driving! He should just leave her and-

An angry unknown voice rings out. "Hey, you! Who's going to pay for this?!"

Without a second thought, Greed scoops the old hag under his arm and bolts like a criminal running from the authority. Which isn't far from the truth, they did do something crime worthy and didn't pay the consequence.

"Ling! You shouldn't treat a girl like this! You'll never get married if you continue this way!"

All Greed could think of is what girl? Oh, the one in his arm. He eventually puts her down when he thinks they're at a safe distance from the scene back there.

He pants, exhausted mentally and physically. The old woman stand there, shaking her head and had the audacity to even sigh. "Already tired? But you're still so young."

Greed could feel his sanity slipping away.

They reach up a high hill and Greed swore she's not making any progress in making it over this hill. In fact, he's afraid she'll fall backwards and tumble down, down, down back to the start. When he imagines it he wants to laugh, but logically speaking, he'd be stuck with her and explaining to the authorities about the situation. No cops.

He can't afford to spend anymore time with this granny. "Excuse me, granny." He scoops her up into a bridal style because he wouldn't want her to pop like a cherry.

Lady gasps in surprise, but chuckles. "Ohoho Ling! Working out?"

Greed rolls his eyes. She was insanely ancient, deaf, and sluggish. Totally not his type. He's going to pretend he has some hot guy or girl in his arms and not a wrinkled old raisin.

"You're such a nice boy."

She was talking about Ling and not him, Greed. Ling and him look the same, but they were completely different in regards to personality. He was often spoken as the bad twin and Ling as the good twin. Not that he wanted to be a goody two shoe, boring as hell anyways.

He's the fun and cooler one.

He had been completely psyched to discover he had a twin. It was as if he found his biggest fan or something.

He didn't sweat about little details about the why or how or any other complicated matter. All he cares about is the now and that they are here side by side. He knew he wanted that piss ant to be part of his group. It was easy too, they surprisingly got along real well.

A lot easier than some certain adoptive siblings… meh, not like that's a big deal to think about it. He hasn't seen them in years and he plans to keep it that way.

"Why are you shopping all alone out here? Don't you have anyone else to do it for you?" He didn't do silence. Silence meant something was wrong, nothing was moving, no excitement.

"Nope, I'm alone. All my children have grown up and flown away from the nest. My husband passed away." She replies in a very somber and tired tone.

Greed feels uncomfortable. What he asked was probably not the right move and out of all the plausible things to say, he says. "That sucks."

"Well, it's only natural."

Growing old sucks.

"What about friends?"

"Gone, I'm the only one left.

Damn, that sucks balls.

"But you know I've lived a good life so I can't complain. Even if they're gone, everyone and everything are still here." She taps her head and moves to cup her heart.

Greed raises an eyebrow, but scoffs light heartedly. "How sentimental."

"It comes with age, you'll see."

He doesn't want to.

They arrive at her apartment, it was small and battered like she was. He climbs the stairs to her unit and helps her open the door.

She turns and smiles at him. "You've helped this old lady a lot today."

"No problem." He shrugs. She didn't listen to him or allowed him to protest, he didn't have much of a choice. "Anything else before I skedaddle?"

"What?!"

"ANYTHING ELSE BEFORE I SKEDADDLE!"

"I'm not deaf young man! Now wait a minute, I want to give you something." She chides him gently as she walks into the kitchen.

His gaze falls onto a dusty old couch with patches of ripped cloth. The inside was as small and dinky than the outside. Poor old thing, she doesn't get much of a visit from her family.

Neither does he.

She comes out with a bag of homemade dumplings. "It's not much, but please take this."

"Thanks." He mumbles.

"Visit anytime you like, Ling."

Losing people, losing time, losing memories, losing practically everything a person's obtained in their short life. He doesn't want to admit this choking, paralyzing, cold sensation that washes over when he thinks about it.

"Ah! Ling!"

A cheerful voice snaps him from his thoughts. He sees a woman with a baby stroller besides her, while she hangs some clothes. "How nice of you to help her! I feel so bad for her, living on her."

Greed wonders for a brief second why doesn't she stop and help that old woman?

"What happened to your eyes, Mr. Ling!" A little boy peeks from behind her..

"Ain't nothing wrong with them." He grunts, he was too tired to explain that he wasn't his twin brother. He doesn't know how many times he's given the spiel and he's seen all the reactions too. Sometimes, like now, he doesn't bother and other times, like before, people don't listen.

The boy frowns. "You seem different, Mr. Ling."

"Just Ling is fine, kid."

A loud, shrill ringing noise emits from the house and the woman puts down what's doing. "Would you mind watching them for a second, Ling?"

Before Greed could answer, the woman runs into the house. "Hmm…" Greed growls. How could that woman trust him so easily to let him watch her kids? For all she knows, he might kidnap them or something. A tug to his pants and he looks down to the find small boy flashing his toothy grin.

They trust Ling a lot.

Unexpectedly, a piercing wail reaches his ears and in a futile attempt, he covers his ears. "What is that?!"

The screeching doesn't affect the boy and he points to the baby carriage. "My sister."

"How do we make it stop?!" Greed complains. The thing was louder than two certain brats he knew combine together in the same room.

"It? Stop? Her crying?"

"Yes!"

The boy pauses and shrugs. "I don't know."

Greed sighs exasperation. "What the hell does your mom do?!" Fuck, he hopes the kid doesn't notice his foul language. Last thing he needs is a parent over his ass about language.

Thankfully, the boy doesn't pick it up and replies. "She holds her and rocks her back and forth."

The baby continues to fuss and fuss.

Greed just wants her to stop and he's willing to do anything. Ugh, he feels like his eardrums are about to burst. He's never held a child though…

"You need to hold her head and hold her like this." The boy imitates his mother like he's seen her do a million times when handling his baby sister.

Greed hesitates and he grumbles. "Why don't you hold her?"

"I don't wanna!"

A shrill shriek emits from the baby.

Greed reaches in and holds her, rocking back and forth. He searches for the little boy's approval of whether or not he's doing this right. Then, Greed silently swears to himself. Great, he's relying on a child to tell him if he's correct or not. His self wallowing doesn't last long when he hears the girl in his arm quiet down.

He looks down to the baby in his arms. God, she was defenseless and ugly. How can she smile from ear to ear without a care in the world? When he's at the bar, he hears all sorts of stories and from different kinds of people. Children are a blessing. Children are a curse.

Which one does he think?

"Ling! You're a natural!" The woman exclaims joyfully as she walks back to him.

Finally.

"You'd make a great father one day I bet!"

He hands her the baby as fast as he could to the woman. Oh no, nope, nope, nope, he wants nothing to do with children. See, he rather like his freedom and a child would ruin all that. Plus, he's got to look after a big baby he has back home.

"Thank you for watching over them for a little, I hope it wasn't an inconvenience." Her eyes were filled with apology and gratitude.

It was an inconvenience for him and that's what he wants to tell her… but instead….

Greed looks away and sighs. He closes his eyes and smiles, a smile that wasn't his. "Not at all! I'm glad to help!" Pretending that he was Ling for the sake of this moment.

He waves them goodbye and once he turns around, he scowls and opens his eyes. "What the hell does he do in his spare time?"

"Ling!"

Greed flinches visibly. This is the third time someone mistaked him for his twin. What was he going to get dragged into this time?

Sometimes being a twin is a curse.


	6. Chapter 6

Time for an episode of good ideas and bad ideas.

Good idea: not pretending to be your twin brother for the day so you can help him pass a test for a class.

Bad idea: pretending to be your twin brother for the day so you can help him pass a test for a class.

There was a clear difference between the ideas, yet… they were standing in front of the large mirror in their bathroom, practicing how to be one other. 

“ _Open _your goddamn eyes.”__

____

“My eyes are _open _.”__

______ _ _

Greed snorts in contempt and peels open Ling’s eyes with his fingers. “Now they are.”

______ _ _

Ling swats his twin’s hand away. “You know, you should be more grateful I agreed.”

______ _ _

“It doesn’t mean anything if we get caught, piss ant.” 

______ _ _

If they could manage to imitate each other perfectly, then it would be believable. People would have a hard time telling the difference between them because they were identical twin. The problem was… their personalities and manners were as different as night and day. They were completely different people that happened to look the same.

______ _ _

“How the hell do you see like this?” Greed mumbles, scrunching his eyes together.

______ _ _

“If you’re going to complain about my appearance, I don’t see why I should continue this. Especially, when you were the one that came to me begging for help.”

______ _ _

“First of all, relax. I didn’t mean it like that and second, I didn’t beg. I don’t beg.” 

______ _ _

“Mhmm.” Ling hums. His brother came to him pleading, in his opinion, to help him take a test and pass. At first, he thought it was a simple one on one tutor. Oh, but how wrong was he. He was to literally waltz into the classroom and take his brother’s test. No doubt, he would pass that test since he took the class before and got an A. 

______ _ _

“Shut up. It isn’t my fault the bastard wants to fail my ass.”

______ _ _

“If only you, you know, work hard.”

______ _ _

“I work smart, not hard. Working hard is for chumps.” 

______ _ _

“I guess you weren’t smart enough.”

______ _ _

Greed shoves his twin playfully. “Didn’t I tell you to shut up?”

______ _ _

Ling shakes his head with a small grin on his face. He predicts this whole plan was going to end horribly. So horribly, but he was still going to go through with it. Why? It was hard saying no to his twin sometimes; which is why he gets into more trouble than he should. Before they moved, Lan Fan used to constantly berate him that Greed was a bad influence and whatnot. 

______ _ _

He can’t deny that Greed has his faults, certainly does live up to his name… or is it nickname? After all, who names their child after a sin? It doesn’t particularly bother him this mystery, but it certainly is dishes for thought. Hmm, that doesn’t sound right...meh, that’s besides the point. 

______ _ _

In the end, Greed was human and as most humans are, he had redeeming qualities also. 

______ _ _

Maybe it’s idiotic, naive, or foolish of him to say something like this, but this is how strongly he felt about his relationship with Greed. No matter what they said, Greed was his twin brother, his long lost twin brother. He may not have known his brother for his entire life, but in these few years, it sure felt like he did. They had a lot more in common than they realize and not just appearance wise. 

______ _ _

They decide to practice their facial expression later and went on to wearing each other clothes. 

______ _ _

Ling stares at the outfit laid out for him by his brother on the bed. He stares at is as if there was something missingor more as in something wrong. “What is wrong with this vest?” He picks up the fur lined vest and grimaces at it.

______ _ _

“What do you mean what’s wrong with it?” Greed hisses and snatches the vest from his hands. “It’s metal as fuck.”

______ _ _

“Please, don’t make me wear all these ridiculous things.”

______ _ _

“It’s not ridiculous!” Greed scoffs with his arm against his chest.

______ _ _

“Greed, no.”

______ _ _

“Greed, yes! It’s called a sense of fashion, unlike someone here.”

______ _ _

Ling frowns. “Hey, what’s wrong with my clothes?”

______ _ _

“Everything. You’re obsessed with yellow and sometimes you make Ed look like the one with better taste.”

______ _ _

Everyone knew Edward Elric’s impeccable sense of fashion.

______ _ _

“That last part was unnecessary! Also, yellow is a royal color!” Ling huffs irritably. He begins to pull out his signature golden hoodie and a white pair of pants. “For the record, you would look good in my clothes.”

______ _ _

Greed flashes him a look of disgust. “No, I wouldn’t.”

______ _ _

“We’re twins.”

______ _ _

“I’m the better looking twin.”

______ _ _

Ling wants to strangle his brother. “You’re an idiot. We’re identical twins, we look exactly the same.”

______ _ _

“Shame, we aren’t the same. Makes this a lot easier.” Greed sighs, but it was soon replaced by a smirk and hangs his arm around Ling’s neck. “But I doubt the world can handle two of me.”

______ _ _

Ling chuckles and pats Greed’s arm. “Agree, I can barely handle you.” Silently, he mutters a prayer to himself: _God help us, we’re going to get into so much trouble._

______ _ _


	7. Chapter 7

He felt sick, dizzy. Like he’s going to blow chunks from lunch. Just because he could remember every meal he ate for lunch, doesn’t mean he wants to see it.

He looks up from the sink and at his reflection. God, his face was glowing red. 

It’s not his first time drinking. He knew his limits and was careful to not render himself incapable. He couldn’t afford to let himself be defenseless among people he couldn’t trust. 

Ugh, he should have known better than to join that pointless drinking contest. He even promised himself that he was just here for the free food and drinks. One of his classmate invited a bunch of people to a party at one of the many bars in downtown.

However, he got to ambitious and prideful. There were some people out there belittling his intelligence and ability to drink. He would have ignored them because he wasn’t one to draw attention. It’s just that they were discriminating others and not just him. He really wanted to wipe the smirks off their face. Which he successfully did and did a few more things that hurt their ego.

He splashes the cool water onto his face and gives himself a pep talk. “Alright Ling, who can do this? You. You’ll be okay. All you need to do is get to the exit and call a taxi home. No problem.” He’d call Greed, but his brother was out of the house with his friends. He didn’t want to bother him… okay, he doesn’t want to call Greed because his brother had warned him to not get into any trouble at the bar.

Arguments and fights are natural at this bar. They overlook these things as long as nothing escalates out of hand. As a result, this bar is one of the more fun and popular places to go to. The downside is, there’s a lot of shady people and business here.

He bumps into someone and stumbles, almost falling, but two hands grab a hold of him. “M’hm, sorry.” 

“Whoa, you okay miss?”

Ling frowns, he was only slightly drunk and pushes the man. “I’m a guy.” 

“Hmm.” The man was contemplating something.

There were sirens blaring in his head, warning he should leave as soon as possible. He didn’t like the way he heard that “hmm.” He heads for the door, but a hand snatches his wrist. 

“Guy, girl, doesn’t matter. They’re all the same as long it’s fun.”

Great. Just what he needs, a disgusting pervert. “You should let go or you’ll regret it.” 

“No need to be hostile or anything.” The pervert smiles, a fake and sincere one.

Everything moved so fast. 

Ling pulls his hand free and moves back, dodging the incoming hand striking towards him. He ducks down when the other fist aims towards, but the sudden movement rises the bile up to his throat. He can’t do this. He needs to run to the crowd and lose this pervert. 

Ling’s mind is out of it, but not enough that he can’t figure out an escape plan. He grabs the trash can and flings it towards the pervert and he countdowns to five. That was all the time he has to run and how he didn’t waste any time.

He overlooks the throbbing in his head to scramble outside and to get rid of the pervert in the restroom. Half through the crowd, he loses his balance and bumps into one of men at one of the many tables. The man turns and stands up, his tall figure looming over Ling. Ling isn’t tall, but not short like a certain blonde. Out of all the men he bumps into, it has to be a threatening one. The amount of bandages, the long beard, and frownie face practically screams “stay away, do not feed.”

Ling mutters quietly to myself. “It’s not my night.” Right about now, it sound real good to lay down somewhere warm and soft… preferably his bed. He gasps surprise when his feet is no longer touching the floor.

“Sorry?” Please accept it so he could go out and throw up… the man doesn’t and he thrown towards the wall. The only nice part of this was that he finally threw up and felt a tiny bit relieved. He stands, but the relief didn’t last long when his whole body suddenly feels lethargic. He leans his back against the cool wall, it’s kind of comfy. Despite his precarious situation, he should flee… hmm, but his body didn’t want to obey him. Standing alone requires a lot of concentration and willpower from him.

The club was noisy and despite all the colorful lights, it was still dark inside. The patrons of the clubs were in a lively mood and they didn’t care too much of the fight happening. These small fights adds to the liveliness and excitement.

Footsteps becomes louder, the cheers and hushes become intense, louder.

The last thing he hears before deciding to clock out is a gasp and a deep baritone voice.

XXXXXXX  
“He looks just like him!” A girl giggles.

Another girl exclaims in awe. “Wow, you didn’t lie when you said he does!”

“Ah, he’s so cute.”

A different voice joins in. “Cute? He looks like the boss, the boss ain’t cute.”

The girl corrects him. “No wrong.”

Ling stirs and he could feel whoever it is poking him, examining him like a specimen on a petri dish. More importantly, he should wake up to find out where he was and if he was kidnapped or not.

The man’s voice rings out irritably. “Alright, get out of here. I’m suppose to watch over so no one’s bugging him while he sleeps!” 

The girl’s jeer as their high heels clack onto the floor. “Better run before Dolcetto bites us!”

“Shut up!” Dolcetto barks and something crashes.

How can anyone stay asleep with all this noise? It made the pounding in his head worse. Ling’s already sitting up on the couch during their bickering. 

When Dolcetto turns to return to his post, he’s startle to find the boy awake and grumbles. “Damn girls.”

“Uhm, hi?” Ling begins unclear of his situation.

“How you feelin’?” Dolcetto asks, nonchalantly as he sits on table with his legs crossed together, ‘Need some aspirin?”

Ling hesitates, naturally.

“Relax, we aren’t going to do anything to you, boss said so.”

Well that’s enough for him to accept the painkillers. He raises an eyebrow at who this boss was. Why would a boss treat him courteously? As if on cue, multiple footsteps came towards them and the man perks up.

“Hey boss!”

Ling eyes widen in shock and his jaw slacks as the boss emerges from the shadow along with the familiar over-confident grin on his face.

“Boss Greed is here!” Greed seats himself in a grandiose manner next to Ling and pats his shock stricken face. “Surprise?”

Ling swats his hand away and crosses his arm in thought. He was trying to piece the information together to what happened last night and how does he end here with his brother here. Also… “They call you boss?”

“Jealous?”

Ling rolls his eyes. “No, your ego is huge enough.”

Greed winks at him. “And among many other things.”

“So where are we?” Ling asks as he scans his surrounding.

“The Devil’s Nest. A bar that we frequently hang out at.” Dolcetto answers.

Ling couldn’t even be surprise that his twin sole choice in hang out spots is at a bar. A dangerous and shady place. Geez, what does Greed do in his free time? The people must be the same in some ways, but Greed trusts them so they must not all be terrible?

Greed waves his hand to change the topic and gazes at the small group of people around the room. “Meet my piss ant brother, Ling. You’ve met Dolcetto here, this big guy is Roa, that fine lady over there is Martel, and the last but not least our buddy Bido!” 

Everyone around the room greets him and remarks in amazement at the similarity between the two.

“There’s more of us, but this was all that could come last night on such short notice.” Roa .comments.

More? They were here last night when they didn’t have to be? Which means they told to come here… by the boss. 

“Hey boss, you never explained why you wanted us here last night?” Dolcetto asks as he remembers the urgent meeting last night.

Bido nods in agreement. “Mr. Greed really wanted to find you.”

Find? Ling doesn’t recall much from the incident last night, but he knows before the incident, Greed told him he had plans. Plans already made to spend time with his friends that wasn’t at a bar. He sees Greed face palming. 

Martel shakes her head and smacks all three of the men. “You morons, remember what Greed told us?”

The three males looked at each other and realize their mistakes.

“Oh.”

“Whoops.”

“Sorry, boss.”

Martel pushes everyone out and she hums knowingly. “We’ll leave you two, so you can have a moment together.”

An awkward stillness engulfs the atmosphere and Ling muses on where should he start.

“Geez, I’m going to yell at those guys later.” Greed sighs, stretching his limbs all over the couch and placing his feet on the table. “So, still feeling like shit?”

“Did you follow me last night?”

“Heh, straight to the point.”

Ling shrugs. “There’s no point in punching the shrubs.”

“Beating the bushes.”

“Same difference.” Ling gaze falls onto his twin brother and urges for Greed to explain. He got the general gist, but he wants to hear it. He wants to see the struggle. “Soooo?”

Greed scowls, miffed at being backed into a corner. “So what if I did? I knew an idiot pampered prince like you would get into trouble in an area like this.”

Usually Ling would be upset with those rich boys jabs because he did come from a wealthy family. However, he knows Greed’s joking and he’s grown accustomed to the defense mechanism Greed had when things weren’t going his way. Jokes and denial. Still... just because he came from a wealthy family doesn’t mean he was sheltered! “Ah, so you were worried about me?”

Greed grasps Ling’s ponytail without warning and drags him down to his lap. “You know for someone that got himself shit faced drunk, you’re awfully chipper.”

“I was not!” Ling objects, but is promptly silenced when he feels feels fingers stroking through the strands of his hair. He could feel his muscles relax and any complaints he had in store, forgotten. 

“Good right?”

“Hmm, yea. Except you messed up my ponytail now.” Ling manages to quip.

“Meh, a necessary evil.”

Ling wonders why is his vision gradually becoming darker and darker?

“I got you, so sleep. ”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The one chapter that bounced the whole story to an M. I can explain…
> 
> I saw a fanart… that is all.

Apparently, today was movie night since they both didn’t have any plans .

It had seemed like a good idea at the time to say to his twin. “Sure, pick whatever movie you want to watch. Doesn’t matter.”

Oh. It matters.

So now he’s sitting on the couch filled with regret. He’s not at all impress by the movie and not to mention, he’s bored. The only thing that was keeping him from being bored to death is that he’s making snarky comments. Too add more salt to the wound, he was only half an hour into the movie. Half an hour only and his idiot brother is already sobbing incoherently into his shoulders.

“Why, why can’t they be together?!” Ling sobs as he stuffs popcorn into his mouth, while one arm wraps around Greed’s.

Greed finds Ling’s reaction more entertaining than the movie itself. He wonders for a majority of the time at how Ling can enjoy this dramatic crap.

Greed rolls his eyes at the scene in the film. “Why settle for one or the other? If I were him, I’d get both bitches and more.”

Ling blows his nose with a tissue and elbows his brother. “Shh, it’s just how it is. You can’t have the best of both planets.”

“Worlds.” Greed sighs. Ling could be clever at times, but his use of phrases leaves much to be desired. “Why not?”

“It doesn’t work that way in these stories.” Ling shrugs, not sure how else to explain it. “Now quiet, I’m trying to watch.”

Geed doesn’t want to watch this movie at all and ponders about leaving. However, he’s too comfortable and warm sitting on the couch with his brother huddling next to him. 

The credits finally appears and Greed breathes out in relief, on the other hand Ling reminisces about the scenes from the movie.

“What was your favorite part Greed?” 

“The credits.” His answer earns him a face full of popcorn.

Ling decides to not acknowledge that answer and rambles on his favorite parts. “The scene where he tells her who he really is and despite it all, she still loves him. I loved it.”

Greed picks the popcorn out of his hair and absentmindedly snorts. “Except he was a dick and still rejected her for another girl that didn’t care about him. I’m telling you he should have both.”

“You make a point, except for the both part.”

Greed reaches for the last piece of candy, but Ling was much faster. He watches his brother pop the last one in his mouth. “Huh?! I didn’t even get to eat one of those, you glutton!”

“What? But there was a whole bag of them when we started the movie?” Ling’s eyebrows crosses in confusion.

“Yea, but you practically vacuumed them all when we were watching that damn movie!” 

Ling merely flashes him a cheeky smile and sticks his tongue out, revealing the red candy in his mouth. “Should have eaten one when you had the chance.”

“Why, you. You damn brat.” Greed grates out slowly, but an idea crosses his mind and a deep, rumbling chuckle escapes his lips. “Chance, eh?”

Ling opens an eye, he could sense a plan brewing in his brother’s mind. A troubling one. He instinctively moves back, but too late. He’s caught. 

Is it a surprise when Greed desires something, he’ll use every means in his power to obtain it?

Of course not. Man knows no boundaries to satiate his wants.

Greed brings Ling towards him and connects their lips together. He firmly holds down those arms from hitting him. Eventually, the struggle leads him pushing his brother onto the couch and the shock from Ling was enough for him to part those soft lips opens. He hastily slips his tongue in to retrieve the crimson colored treat. 

Greed expects Ling to fight back with punches and kicks So he’s impressed that their tongues are tangling together with the candy in the middle. Teeths clink together as they wrestle for dominance and the wet sounds coming from their match echoes in the living room. 

The first one to break away for air is Ling, they part with a trail of saliva bridging them. His cheeks flushes scarlet and he hungrily sucks in oxygen to his starving lungs. He let’s his head slump onto the couch as he wipes his mouth with his sleeves. He doesn’t know how to keep with a kiss like that. Especially, when Greed kisses so passionately, like a monster almost. Doesn’t he need to breath?

Greed sends him a cocky smile and rolls the cherry flavored treat between his shark like teeth. A loud crunch resonates in the room. “Delicious.”

All Ling does is sulk, muttering. “That was mine.”


End file.
